Workplace Advice: Strategies for Dealing With Bullies
by Lark Gould /What happens to schoolyard bullies when they grow up? Many of them mature to become your coworkers – or worse – your boss.
Most offenders fit one of six behavior categories, according to Mimi Hull of Hull & Associates, a corporate training company based in Maitland, Fla. Hull spoke on the topic of dealing with difficult people at the Global Business Travel Association convention in Los Angeles last month.
Once you know what kind of bully or abuser you’re dealing with, there are some effective neutralizing tools you can use, Hull told attendees.
Common workplace behavior
According to a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 20% of U.S. office workers have been bullied, and more than one in four adults (27%) has directly experienced abusive conduct at work.
Hull explained how to recognize each of the six types of workplace bullies and offered tactics for dealing with each.
“The goal here is to understand where that abusive person is coming from,” so you are empowered to make smart choices and take smart action, she said.
The volcano
Volcanoes carry a lot of anger just below the surface. Their rage is out of proportion to what's happening to them. When they explode the lava goes all over.
The solution: Let them vent, said Hull. “The trick is to listen, listen, listen.” Use empathic statements and repeat back their words in a calm way. “Say things like: ‘What I hear you saying is ...’ and, ‘I understand how you might feel that way …’
“Ask an angry person how you can help them and how you can work together for a common goal,” Hull advised.
Whatever you do, don’t ask a volcano to calm down, and don’t call the person unreasonable.
The silent soul
Silent souls are turtles who retreat into their shells. These personalities can turn into a volcano but most of the time their silence is more about taking time to process rather than angry acts of shutting others out.
The solution: Give silent souls time to think. If questions being considered are causing concern, set up another time to discuss things.
Refrain from asking yes and no questions. Rather than saying, “Did you do this?” ask, "How did we get into this situation?"
The sniper
Snipers are experts at potshots, sneak attacks, humorous putdowns, sarcastic comments, and rolled eyes, said Hull.
The solution: Respond with a question, such as, “What are you trying to tell me?” Body language should be open, not defensive.
“Usually they will deny it (‘I was only joking’), so say: ‘Oh I didn’t get it!’” And say those words slowly, Hull advised.
Handling the attack head on will likely deter a future attack, and the sniper will have to hunt for another victim.
The cranky pants
Cranky pants are people who dampen the enthusiasm of people around them. “No” is usually their first response.
Behind the irritability is a sense of feeling stuck, Hull said. They tend to think of themselves as realists and carry an unhappiness that is often unrelated to work.
The solution: “Keep conversations focused and related to work – don't be an audience,” Hull advised. And speak only about positive things when with them.
Pick out the facts in what they’re saying, “then say you don't agree with those facts. Resist fueling the flame. These interactions work like a virus. You find yourself agreeing and suddenly you’re infected.”
Limiting your exposure to cranky pants types is critical, Hull added.
The complainer
This persona complains constantly but does little to fix the problem. A complainer may be pointing out a real problem but will blame everyone else for the cause.
“Complainers are not really looking for solutions,” said Hull. “They just want to complain.”
The solution: Listen attentively to what they are saying, otherwise they will add on layers.
Do not agree or apologize. (In fact, warned Hull, one should always be careful about apologizing.) “Tell complainers you are sorry they feel that way. Put things back on their shoulders. And ask them for solutions.
“Then ask about what is going right – refocus their attention.”
The chatterbox
These people love to hear themselves talk. They don’t let you get a word in and if you do, they interrupt. They think highly of themselves and their ideas, and they generally mean well.
The solution: Bring them back to the topic. Body language can help. Hull recommended standing up when talking with a chatterbox – even if speaking with them on the phone – as it will change the response.
“If you stand up the conversation will be shorter. If one comes into your office, greet him or her by standing up. Start walking the chatterbox to the edge of the hall or the door and, if possible, introduce this person to someone else.”